European Special: Serial Burger, Prague

Their saying: "Meat is burger" and they couldn't be more right

Fancy a break from smoked ribs and goulash? Tucked away behind the backstreets in central Prague sits this very cool underground burger bar. Lured here by their sign from a distance, I couldn't refuse a venture down into their dimly lit hipster basement bar. The menu is reasonably small which is a good sign, with things like the "ultra bacon burger" and "Jalapeño and Habanero" burger making an appearance, you can't go wrong. They also had what appeared to be changing specials on offer as well. In addition they also do a 1250g Burger challenge for anyone that fancies it though you have to preorder a few days in advance. Crafting such a behemoth of a burger undeniably would take several days of hard back breaking meat grinding labour.

So what did I go for? I opted for the weekly special, because I am the burgerman and sometimes I have to push the boat out and dare to be more than just the average cheeseburger. It in fact was much weirder that the standard classic: 

'Deer and pork belly burger, served with tomato, romain lettuce, Viennese onion, Monterry jack cheese and a cherry chocolate sauce with homemade fries'

                                            

All that for roughly £8.50, depending on exchange rates. Having seen a crazy chef on masterchef roll a haunch of venison in cocoa before I naturally thought that this combo would work. Unfortunately it did just taste as though I was eating a partially cooked chocolate fondant encased in a super fluffy bun, with a mild hint of meat on the after taste. I got barely any taste of cheese, minimal taste of onions and overall it wasn't very pleasant. Imagine eating a half pound chocolate cake with garlic chips? Not a great combo. The burger slice did oddly give a pink result, which I wasn't expecting given the addition of pork belly in the burger. Once I'd scraped off the chocolate sauce and tasted the meat individually it was really moist and very tasty, just hugely overpowered.

Now you might be asking why I'm writing this telling you to visit given that my "special" wasn't that great. The special was poor granted, but the normal burgers off the menu where phenomenal. All pink without even asking, insanely crispy bacon, and some slightly 'out there burgers' like the boneless confit duck leg burger with braised red cabbage. It is unfortunate that I, the burgerman, happened to order the only poor item on their menu, but at least now my dear readers will know. I pushed the boat out and went there, so you don't have to. I'll take the metaphorical bullet so you can live on and sample excellence at its finest. The fries were also probably some of the best I've had accompanying a burger, with an option of salted, chilli or garlic fries and an addition of a selection of random sauces. I went for saffron infused sour cream with garlic fries. Crisp enough to blind someone should a rogue chip end up airborne in drunk arm waving rantings.

                    

Overall

If you're in Prague, go there! If the special burger sounds too weird, don't have it, it is probably gross. Stick to their proper menu which are all tried and tested and very very nice burgers. The venue is unusual and surprisingly quiet for a capital city which is nice to get away from all the hustle and vast quantities of worldwide tourists. It's reasonably priced too and has a fairly awesome cocktail selection available.

Travel away!

The Buck on the Green

It says it on the pub sign, don't pass the buck...

And pass it I did not, I entered with a serious craving for meat. Word on the street sign outside the pub claimed homemade freshly prepared food. Something which always entices the BurgerMan into a venue. This pub is in a cracking location, however, possibly one of my furthest expeditions from the city centre. Perfectly situated by the river and at a great point for a leisurely pub crawl into Norwich (Pub crawl route additional extra at the end of the review). If you fancy it you could also canoe into the city from here, though I will not endorse a water based canoe trip after eating and drinking lots of fine ale, regardless of how hilarious and entertaining it is.

The Burger

So I opted for the steak mince burger, with bacon and cheese. Along with a pint it came in at just under £15 however on a Monday they actually do a £10 beer and burger combo. Great way to have an even cheaper burger meal.

First things first I launched full blast into the classic medium rare question. I was very pleased to find out they were happy, I think even the chef may have relished the opportunity. Boy oh boy did the chef deliver. They didn't just cook the burger, they lovingly nurtured it over a scorching hot grill. The burger slice revealed a perfectly moist and beautifully pink piece of meat which tasted great and was very well seasoned. It is to date one of the best cooked patties I have had, ever! Given the amount of burgers I have had that truly is a compliment, even better was that my companions all had burgers and they were all cooked consistently to the same level.

Nestled on top of this was the bacon. Two rashers that struck the perfect balance in terms of crispiness, the meat melted in the mouth but the fat along the edges was so crisp it was like a mini bacony pork scratching inside the bun. It was pretty thick as well, a good three mils at least. The cheese lay seductively on top of this, lightly melted to bring out the fat and flavour. There was a  decent amount and it did actually have a good taste, I would say it was likely to be mature cheddar. The only way I could improve would be to add a bolder and stronger cheese like an extra mature, but this is me being very picky. The intensity of all this meat and cheese was balanced very well with a sweet tomato relish on top which cleansed the palate nicely and rounded out the flavours. Not only this but the fresh salad underneath helped to liven and freshen up the dish, whilst the pickle cut through the rich meaty flavours and the sweet relish.

The seeded bun was toasted which kept the moisture contained in the bready capsule. I've always personally been a huge fan of seeded buns, somehow it makes me feel like I'm being healthy with the addition of seeds. An extra portion of fibre to counter balance the colossal amounts of constipation inducing meat I consume always goes down well.

Sides

Included was a home made coleslaw which was incredibly creamy. A very nice addition. The home cut fries were incredibly crispy and very well seasoned throughout. It's a hard push to beat the fries at the coach and horses but I have to say these were better, slightly thinner and super crispy. 

I also opted for an extra addition of onion rings. These were incredible! Large rings of fresh onion battered in a very light crispy tempura style battering. Truly making all shop bought onion rings look like crap. The picture says it all.

Overall

Lets assess this in terms of the burger yin-yang: It was fresh from the salad, sharp from the pickle, rich from the burger, bacon and cheese, moist from excellent cooking, crispy from the bun toasting and the bacon fat yet subtly sweet from the relish. This burger truly had it all. Though I have a few minor points that I think could elevate it, such as stronger cheese. I can truly say this is one of the best burgers I have had to date. Served with some excellent fries and a cracking coleslaw it's a decent amount of food for a very decent price. I just wish it had of come on a normal circular plate. Looking forward I hope they continue their good work for the burger community and maintain their high standards as they have just nailed my highest score to date.

9.5/10

The Buck on the Green

55 Yarmouth Road

Norwich

NR7 0EW

Pub Crawl route, bonus points if you manage to eat a burger in each pub:

1. The Buck
2. The River Green
3. The Cat and Canary
4. The Coach and Horses (Thorpe Road)
5. The Jubilee
6. The Red Lion
7. The Adam and Eve
8. Home Time!

The Black and Blue Special (Plus Recipe)

Another Homemade Special

Not only does the Burgerman review, he helps out those in burger related need. Not long back I came across someone who wanted a recipe for a black and blue burger offered up in a restaurant far oversees. I readied my tastebuds and took it upon myself to create such a behemoth so that everyone can enjoy this Cajun style bad boy in the comfort of their own home.

So what is the black and blue? The black is represented by a fiery cajun seasoning that is smothered over the burger. Ideally it should have at least six hours to absorb all the flavour before being cast onto a scorching hot griddle pan allowing the spices to blacken, creating a highly aromatic and incredibly tasty burger. The trick with the cooking of this burger is high heat and quick cooking to blacken but not burn the spices. Be warned though the level of smoke this produces is colossal so open every window possible, if using seriously hot chilli powder it might ruin your lungs too if you inhale too deeply. I accept no responsibility for injury caused by blackening burgers. Due to the insane temperatures it is hard to cook these medium rare, so the best thing to do is make your burgers out of high quality butchers meat with a blend of steak mince and beef mince at a 50/50 ratio. This ensures there is enough fat inside so that even though the burger will be cooked through, it is still moister than a Louisiana swamp in the wet season. Prime steak mince has little fat content so this particular burger needs a blend to ensure a decent fat content.

As mentioned the smoke level is absurd hence the blurry shot. You get the idea though, hella smoke!

The blue is a rich salty blue cheese which is melted on top of the burger. I've opted to griddle some thick slices of onion and melt the Stilton on top of that. It balances well as the onion caramelises and sweetens as it cooks which compliments the salty cheese perfectly. Also greasy fatty cheese dripping down a burger is possibly one of the greatest things in the world, fact.

For the seasoning recipe:

• 1 tsp fresh thyme finely chopped
• 1 tsp sweet paprika
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp fresh ground nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp ground cumin (freshly ground for best results)
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 1/2 tsp brown sugar
• 1 tsp cayenne chilli powder (more if you prefer it hotter)

This is roughly enough seasoning for 2-4 decent sized burgers, you could stretch it to more but would lack in taste slightly.

For me personally I enjoyed this same recipe but blended up with several fresh habanero chillies for an extra kick. Spice wise this is just a basic recipe so quantities can be chopped and changed to personal taste, it's always good to experiment. I'd also like to note that I did blend my burgers with my own personal mouth watering spice mix. This unfortunately will go to my grave with me, which probably won't be long given the amount of burgers I eat. 


Hope you all enjoyed this creole creation and have a go yourself, it actually makes quite a nice change from the ordinary burger. Surprisingly blue cheese takes on a whole new taste when melted so even if you don't like it ordinarily this burger is definitely worth a try and could even change the blue haters. If you want me to recreate another ridiculous burger comment away. Any country any style, i'll make a burger for it!

Now for more photos:

Pure filth

Bun: Always seeded
With fresh picked lettuce and sliced vine ripened tomato for freshness

Courgette, apple, red cabbage, carrot and onion coleslaw for sides, along with griddled courgette and cous cous stuffed potato skin. All outshone by the burger.

McDonalds (Yes... this happened but please bare with me)

Has it really come to this?

I'm not sure if you can tell but I am a huge fan of burgers. They come in all shapes and sizes, served out of vans, in restaurants and even tuk tuks. With all this I can very happily say I've never stooped so low as to have a beef burger from McDonald's. Probably one of the few people to be genuinely in this situation and it was something I have always been proud of. A chain restaurant that emphasises: speed over quality, speed over taste, and ironically speed over good service. This is something that should never have broached my radar. 

This only occurred strangely enough on the basis of my Five guys review, it reminded me so much like a horribly expensive McDonalds that it dawned on me. I had never actually tasted a McDonalds cheeseburger, or any other beef burger they presumably grow from bacterial culture samples in their kitchens. So this journey took me on a very rocky road to possibly my cheapest burger to date. Regrettably, the review begins.

The Burger

I think what I had was a double cheeseburger. I also opted for some fries which set me back roughly about £2.50 which I rounded to £3 as I gave my change to a friendly homeless chap outside. I did ask for the burger medium rare. The level of confusion on the servers face was quite incomprehensible, only matched by my own confusion at having the audacity to have asked such a ridiculous and dumbfounded question. I know for a fact the burgers are all precooked and are simply hurled from their vacuum formed bags on to a griddle pan, gently drying out on top of several weeks worth of ingrained beef fat and MSG. As a result it's safe to say the burger was dry. 

Obviously my first point of call was the burger slice, however, with no cutlery provided it was quite difficult and I had to 'superman it' aka rip it apart, much alike Clark Kent ripping his shirt off to reveal an awesome superhero suit. I too ripped my burger apart to reveal a flattened bun, flaccid pickles, a dry burger patty and some sordid fake cheese leaving only a fairly hefty level of shame and self pity.

So that's the burger over and done with, there really isn't much else to say with regards to the tiny bun. It was soggy after having sat wrapped up in greaseproof paper for who knows how long. The one saving grace was a fairly large amount of pickles and yankee mustard within the burger as this was the only real flavour going on here. Thankfully I love a good pickle, unfortunately this was not a good pickle, but it was at least a pickle nonetheless. The cheese used was the classic rubbery plastic stuff that RRP's at about half of one pence per slice and probably contains no real amount of dairy. This type of cheese is most likely suitable for vegans it's such poor quality.

The Fries

Not salted at all. Which really surprised me as I was expecting them to have been annihilated in a 'day after tomorrow' style sodium chloride hail storm. This was a slightly pleasant surprise added on top a base level of moist soggy disappointment. Overall just something to fill a gap. Never a good outcome really when it comes to food. 

Overall

In general this burger tasted fairly poor and uses no amount of local ingredients and I can't even be confident they use anything of any reasonable quality to begin with. For the price I guess you can't complain too much but generally speaking I would rather not have eaten. The overall meal just looked sad. The burger reminded me of those RSPCA adverts at Christmas showing unloved and undernourished animals, much alike those poor things this burger too was vastly malnourished and need a loving chef to come in and restore some amount of integrity to it (if such a thing is even possible). The only positive I can say is that it was only £2.50 in total so I was expecting it to be bad. I do however stand by my prior statement that Five Guys is basically a more expensive and not that much better version of this, and at least it didn't leave the same gaping whole in my wallet.

2/10

McDonalds,

Somwhere in Norwich,

Actually does the address really matter?

They all serve the same vacuum 

packed stuff.

The Unthank Arms

They called, and I answered...

With the love of my burger reviews slowly growing ever stronger, I am frequently being invited to sample these meaty dishes in a huge array of establishments. The Unthank Arms was one of the first that dared to tempt me in. With a serious love of the pub as a drinking hole and a very bold statement about them having (and I quote) 'one of Norwich's best burgers' how could I refuse? So as usual lets start with a brief bit about the pub itself, it is what you would class as a nice traditional Victorian corner pub, originally inhabited by Victorians probably drinking lots of gin. Nowadays it is still stocked with vast quantities of gin and a great selection of beers and an even better selection of ridiculously tasty and massive bar snacks. The pork pies could probably be used a door stops they are so large. 

Beer + Meaty bar snacks = Good times!

That aside I had something else on my agenda. The burger. I was initially thrown off by the complexity of their menu, drawing on flavours from all over the world, so I was a little worried the humble burger would be lost amongst the vast array of specials. So without further time wasting, we shall begin.

The Burger

So what did I have? For a very reasonable £12 sterling...

The 'Classic homemade Unthank burger topped with Cheddarcheese in a sesame bun with mayonnaise, chilli jam and fries and char-grilled smoked back bacon'

No dillydallying here, I lunged straight in to ask for it medium rare. If they produce what they think is one of the best they must appreciate that to get the best taste and texture, it has to be medium rare. Unfortunately they did inform myself and my burger buddies that they could not serve it medium rare, however, were prepared to serve it medium. Having gone in during prime 'food time' I would expect these to be freshly prepared homemade burgers so we settled for medium. A nice freshly prepared medium cooked burger should still have a slight tinge of pink, not too dissimilar to a medium cooked steak. It should still ooze that lovely beefy juice keeping it nice and moist throughout. Sadly the burger was actually well done and ever so slightly dry. The meat had a good flavour to it so I can appreciate that it could have tasted nice if it were cooked a couple of minutes less on each side. It just required that bit more chewing than one would have hoped for, if I want a masticational workout I'd chew some gum.

The cheese was a fairly hefty lump, quite a thick slice though in a perfect square. That was either a pre sliced pre packed cheese slice or their chef has some insanely sharp knives. It was reasonably tasty and from it's crumbliness I would say middle of the road strength. Mild cheddar perhaps. Could extra mature add more to this bacon cheese combo? Most likely. If you're going for cheddar make it mature, bonus points for extra mature.

The bacon although not crispy was tasty and was a nice addition. As I'd mentioned in the previous five guys review, there is no point having crispy bacon if it's bland and tasteless. I would much rather have good bacon which is less crisp. Obviously the ideal is free range organic rare breed bacon reared on a diet of bacon then flattened and cooked between to scorching hot trays for at least an hour. The limitations here are: firstly I'm not sure if you can feed bacon to pigs, secondly if you could would it make the harvested bacon any more bacony and finally if it is even ethically okay to do so in our now raging vegan society.


The meaty tower came with limited pickles. In all honesty I think it could have done with a touch more pickle though it may have just been that the limitations of the minimalist pickle was further highlighted by the slightly Saharan burger. The bun was absolutely phenomenal. Basically the perfect bun, sesame coated for that extra crunch. It was nicely toasted and soft on the inside. In terms of buns this one really ticked all the boxes. The addition of all the fresh lettuce, onion and tomato really did help to elevate this and partnered with the chilli jam that came with it added a fresh sweet taste to the dish. The fact that the burger was slightly dry was almost not an issue with the salad garnish (of course medium rare would have been better).

The Fries

This was a good solid fry. Not quite to the Thorpe road Coach and Horses level but still a decent crisp french fry. I would say they probably weren't homemade. Annoyingly one of my pals had the fish and chips (a minor lapse in mental awareness that resulted in them ordering something other than a burger) which came with hand cut slightly chunkier chips. These were sublime. Quite frankly I think they should ditch the fries and serve everything with their home cut chips. Unfortunately I haven't got photographic evidence of these home cut chips but I can assure you all they were top notch. If you go for a burger here, be sure to ask for these rather than the fries.

Overall

It's a solid pub burger for the price and the good atmosphere is well worth the money. The burger was slightly dry, but that aside it was a well seasoned and balanced quite well with all the garnishes. The bacon was particularly good and the only areas I feel they could improve are with better quality richer cheese and less cooking time of the actual meat. With a juicy bit of medium rare cooking this burger could be up their in the higher end of the scale. Partnered with their incredible home cut chips it would be a standout dish. A little way to go but the groundwork is well and truly laid for the Unthank in gaining some serious burger credentials.

6/10

The Unthank Arms

149 Newmarket Street

Norwich

NR2 2DR

The Belgian Monk

Time for another burger, Belgian Style

Located in a great part of Norwich, nestled in the heart of the Norwich Lanes, stands the impressive Belgian Monk. Named after a Belgian man who was also a monk believe it or not. It has to be up there as one of Norwich's most popular pubs, packing out tables even mid week on a regular basis. The reasoning for this is likely the ludicrous amount of fresh mussels they churn out and the copious quantities of premium Belgian beer available. If there's one thing monks know how to do, it's brew. The question is, can the monk provide the meat? Let's find out.

The Burger

Not just any burger, this one was something with a difference. Authentically put on the menu in the native tongue of Belgium

"En Wild Zwijn Vlees Burger Met Appel, Abrikozen
en Prei Met Bataat Frites"

For those who aren't  fortunate enough to be bilingual...

"A Gourmet Wild Boar Burger*, with Apple, Apricot and Leek, Grilled and served in a Ciabatta Roll with Tomato Relish, Sweet Potato Fries and Salad Garnish and Sla"

You read that correctly, the Belgian monk do not serve up your standard burger, the only option is wild boar at a fairly pricey £13.95. Up for anything and enticed by the warning on the menu that boar meat is often slightly pink in colour, I unbuckled my belt by a notch and prepared for a meat off with a difference. Having never had boar before and not really having a huge understanding of the cooking process of a boar burger, I naturally asked for it medium rare. To this request they gladly accepted.

As per usual I started with the all essential burger slice. This was potentially my toughest and most difficult operation to date, intrigued? More on that later when I come to the bun assessment. So after finally getting this in half I noted a fairly consisted pink colouring throughout the burger.

  

Weirdly enough although the burger was pink I'm not actually sure if that meant it was medium rare. I get the impression it is just the colour of the meat, similar to the pinkish colour of Iberico pork. Even when cooked through it still has a slightly pinkish colour. Either way the burger was quite moist and full of flavour. The flavour of the meat was intense, like concentrated pork, which worked really well with the fruity elements within the meat to cut through this intensity. If anything I feel the spices and seasoning did detract slightly from the boar taste and could of been toned down a tad to possibly let the boar flavour come through even more. One thing that did concern me was the burger was perfectly circular and the completely level appearance of the burger did get me questioning it's production. I literally could of taken a spirit level to this and it would of been perfectly flat. Generally homemade burgers are either slightly irregular in shape or at least vary slightly in thickness across the board. Unless the monk use a fairly hefty burger press I suspect they may buy in their burgers pre-made. It also had an unusual bratwurst like texture, quite fitting for a mainland Europe style burger. 

I opted for the addition of cheese at an extra fifty pence and I wish I hadn't of bothered. It didn't add anything to the affair. It didn't have any particular taste and there wasn't enough of it to even get that creamy texture so this was well and truly fifty pence wasted.

As for the tomato relish that did add a very nice acidic tang to the meal, cutting through the rich deep flavour of the boar. Acting in a similar vein to pickles. The only pointer I would add is that there was too much of it in the bun and I did have to scrape a little out. Then again quantity was a notable point with this meal, there was a lot of everything and I struggled to finish it all. Once I'd surgically removed some salsa the dish was a bit more balanced and only required a texture element to hit all the key essentials of the balanced burger yin yang. It needed a crunch, and boy oh boy did I get one...

I'd previously mentioned my difficulty at performing the burger slice, and I shall now recall the tale as to why I had suffered so bad. Basically the bun was as hard as a slow formed igneous rock. It was more like a tortoise shell than a ciabatta bun. Imagine a wild boar burger between two cast iron dumbbells. Whether they go for this intentionally to make up for no crispy bacon or if the bun was accidentally left in the oven overnight I couldn't tell. I actually had to pause and regain my strength at the mid point of the burger slice, leaving my knife wrenched deep within the bun. After a short while and many sips of Belgian beer to regain my spirits I endured to complete the halving. Leaving me with a sense of pride that I imagine only King Arthur would be able to comprehend after having pulled Excalibur out of the stone.

The sides

This burger came with some sort of strange creamy coleslaw which was very nice. Crunchy and creamy, flavoured with the monk's infamous mayonnaise. The mayo is also the main reason why I like their chips so much. They are standard bulk buy chips but the Belgian mayo just takes them to a whole new level. Sky rockets them to a planet of pure creamy indulgence. It was solely based on this that I actually turned down the hipster sweet potato fries that ordinarily comes with the meal and opted for the standard ones. I didn't want any sweetness compromising the taste. 

The salad was very plain and salad like. Not anything spectacular as it was a reserve on the sideline of the slate plate. I'm not really a fan of the old school method of dressing a salads, handfuls of grated carrot plonked on top of plain greenery. That sort of salad dressing should be left in the bygone times of shoulder pads, bouffant hair styles and deconstructing food only to reconstruct it again on your spoon before eating. 

Overall

The wild boar burger was nice, though I suspect it may not be homemade which is a huge shame. If it genuinely is homemade then I will happily stand corrected. The salsa would of nicely complimented the dish but it didn't need the amount that was provided. It takes an acquired palate and experienced chef to know when to stop when it comes to food preparation, and this certainly needed that expert touch when it came to assembly to ensure an even overall taste. The bun really was the biggest let down of this, it was so hard and crispy it was not only hard to cut in half but when trying to eat the entire contents kept spilling out when under mastication pressure. In addition, without wanting to sound too pathetic, the crunch was actually so severe that I was worried I'd cut the roof of my mouth and bleed out. So overall it just needs a softer bun and less salsa. Also a plate would be nice, things did keep spilling off of the slate as it lacks a brim. On first taste on a boar burger how did it fair?

4.5/10

The Belgian Monk

7 Pottergate

NR2 1DS

Five Guys

Does a great burger really require five guys?

It's taken me a long time to visit five guys, mainly because I've struggled with the loss of the all you can eat pizza hut buffet that used to occupy the very walls that five guys now inhabits. With enough time having passed and realisation of a place called 'chapelfield' with another Pizza hut in, I finally gave in and ventured into this brightly lit burger production line. In essence it seems to have a similar sort of style to subway, pick a burger, toppings and sauces, then watch as your burger moves along the pass getting cooked and an assortment of goodies being added to it. The whole time being able to scrutinise the staff just incase someone drops it on the floor. Without further stalling I'll commence at once.

The Burger

I opted for bacon cheeseburger which comes as a double patty, with grilled onions, lettuce, pickles, jalapeño chillies, mayo and 'little fries'. All of this came to a fairly hefty £11.90 which for fast food is up there in the price bracket. As long as it's fresh and tasty, something five guys brags about, it should be worth it. Drinks range from £3 to £5 roughly which seriously racks up your bill, tap water for me! The burger comes served traditional Central American style; wrapped in vast quantities of tinfoil. Something that I really enjoyed as it took me back to the good ol'days travelling around the dodgy backstreet bars of Mexico city where bone china plates are a luxury item.

As with the start of all essential burger ordering I went straight in for the medium rare question, priding themselves on freshly prepared burgers cooked to order I was shocked to be told no. All burgers are cooked well done, end of. A huge shame because in the eating the burger was slightly dry and could of done with less cooking. I was told this was for health and safety reasons, which I know 100% is false because other restaurants are serving medium rare burgers no questions asked. The actual taste was alright with a reasonable level of seasoning, just a tad more moisture inside the patty would of really taken it up a notch.

The bacon took crispy to a level I didn't even think was possible. It was insanely crisp, I can only assume it is deep fried to get the that level. It added a nice crunchy texture in the otherwise soft burger but unfortunately it just didn't really taste of much. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this but I would of actually preferred non-crispy but tastier bacon. Crispy bacon is the dream scenario, but you have to get the basics right first and at least start with some prime smoked gear.

The cheese was classic American plastic 'cheese' melted into the perfect square that it comes vacuum formed in, containing about as much milk as school dinners since Maggie T had her way*. The taste was non-existent, it purely adds a creamyness that compensates for the slightly overcooked drier burgers. As I always say, if it's not a proper cheese, don't bother. What is a proper cheese I hear you ask? Well this all depends on the other toppings combined with the burger but as a general rule of thumb: mature chedder, blue cheese, brie, camembert, gorgonzola or feta (only in greek style burgers) are all good starting points.

The pickles helped cut through all of this and added a much needed palate cleansing touch to the whole affair, but they were the classic bought in crinkle cut bad boys you'd expect in a McDonalds. Either way with all the creamy tasteless mouth clagging probably dairy free 'cheese' something was needed to cut through. The jalapeños were surprisingly not that hot for fresh ones. They are commonly mistaken for a mild chilli but picked fresh can actually be quite potent and leave a satisfying burn on the tongue, these ones did not. I myself confess I am a bit of a chilliphile** and these did not quite hit the spot.

The bun was soft. It could of been toasted to add an extra texture. Due to the Mexican foil wrapping the burger sweats and the bun ends up looking a little sad by the time you unwrap it. Similar vein to the lettuce really, with foil packing you need a hefty chunk of the heart of a lettuce, something that can withstand a bit of sealed in heat without going floppy and limp. I suspect they used Iceberg from the look of the leaf, I would recommend for this style, either a baby gem or romaine hearts.

The sides

I will put a disclaimer on these fries for anyone with high cholesterol, blood pressure or heart problems. There is more salt in one portion of chips that the entirety of the Dead sea. I'm a fan of good seasoning but this was extreme, could it just be a ploy to then buy a hugely overpriced drink? Most probably. After only a small portion I drank nearly 2 litres of water, and I still feel thirsty even now, several hours later. A plus point they were nice and crispy.Also worth noting I had to pay for these separately.

Overall

If it comes across like I'm being particularly picky about this burger you could assume correct. I am being overly critical because to me, this burger looks, tasted and smelt like a slightly upgraded big mac yet for twice the cost. Or another way of putting it; a much worse version of Captain Americas. For £11.20, a whole 70 pence cheaper, you could go to Captain Americas and get their 'Classic' flagship burger, a freshly cooked half pound burger medium rare with enough chips to solve world hunger whilst knowing you are supporting a local Norwich based business, so to me, five guys just doesn't meet the standards to which their prices are aimed. As a takeaway burger priced around £7 all in I could maybe say this ensemble was worthwhile and it would get a higher rating, but at their current exorbitant prices it's just not. Especially when most pub burger meals are around £10 with some even throwing in a free pint.

4/10

Five Guys
117-127 Orford Place
NR1 3QA

*Margaret Thatcher famously took milk of school children, travelling round the U.K. in her spare time doing so.

**Chiiliphile - Someone who loves chillis and the mouth tantalising burn that follows, unfortunately at both ends of the alimentary tract.