McDonalds (Yes... this happened but please bare with me)

Has it really come to this?

I'm not sure if you can tell but I am a huge fan of burgers. They come in all shapes and sizes, served out of vans, in restaurants and even tuk tuks. With all this I can very happily say I've never stooped so low as to have a beef burger from McDonald's. Probably one of the few people to be genuinely in this situation and it was something I have always been proud of. A chain restaurant that emphasises: speed over quality, speed over taste, and ironically speed over good service. This is something that should never have broached my radar. 

This only occurred strangely enough on the basis of my Five guys review, it reminded me so much like a horribly expensive McDonalds that it dawned on me. I had never actually tasted a McDonalds cheeseburger, or any other beef burger they presumably grow from bacterial culture samples in their kitchens. So this journey took me on a very rocky road to possibly my cheapest burger to date. Regrettably, the review begins.

The Burger

I think what I had was a double cheeseburger. I also opted for some fries which set me back roughly about £2.50 which I rounded to £3 as I gave my change to a friendly homeless chap outside. I did ask for the burger medium rare. The level of confusion on the servers face was quite incomprehensible, only matched by my own confusion at having the audacity to have asked such a ridiculous and dumbfounded question. I know for a fact the burgers are all precooked and are simply hurled from their vacuum formed bags on to a griddle pan, gently drying out on top of several weeks worth of ingrained beef fat and MSG. As a result it's safe to say the burger was dry. 

Obviously my first point of call was the burger slice, however, with no cutlery provided it was quite difficult and I had to 'superman it' aka rip it apart, much alike Clark Kent ripping his shirt off to reveal an awesome superhero suit. I too ripped my burger apart to reveal a flattened bun, flaccid pickles, a dry burger patty and some sordid fake cheese leaving only a fairly hefty level of shame and self pity.

So that's the burger over and done with, there really isn't much else to say with regards to the tiny bun. It was soggy after having sat wrapped up in greaseproof paper for who knows how long. The one saving grace was a fairly large amount of pickles and yankee mustard within the burger as this was the only real flavour going on here. Thankfully I love a good pickle, unfortunately this was not a good pickle, but it was at least a pickle nonetheless. The cheese used was the classic rubbery plastic stuff that RRP's at about half of one pence per slice and probably contains no real amount of dairy. This type of cheese is most likely suitable for vegans it's such poor quality.

The Fries

Not salted at all. Which really surprised me as I was expecting them to have been annihilated in a 'day after tomorrow' style sodium chloride hail storm. This was a slightly pleasant surprise added on top a base level of moist soggy disappointment. Overall just something to fill a gap. Never a good outcome really when it comes to food. 

Overall

In general this burger tasted fairly poor and uses no amount of local ingredients and I can't even be confident they use anything of any reasonable quality to begin with. For the price I guess you can't complain too much but generally speaking I would rather not have eaten. The overall meal just looked sad. The burger reminded me of those RSPCA adverts at Christmas showing unloved and undernourished animals, much alike those poor things this burger too was vastly malnourished and need a loving chef to come in and restore some amount of integrity to it (if such a thing is even possible). The only positive I can say is that it was only £2.50 in total so I was expecting it to be bad. I do however stand by my prior statement that Five Guys is basically a more expensive and not that much better version of this, and at least it didn't leave the same gaping whole in my wallet.

2/10

McDonalds,

Somwhere in Norwich,

Actually does the address really matter?

They all serve the same vacuum 

packed stuff.

The Unthank Arms

They called, and I answered...

With the love of my burger reviews slowly growing ever stronger, I am frequently being invited to sample these meaty dishes in a huge array of establishments. The Unthank Arms was one of the first that dared to tempt me in. With a serious love of the pub as a drinking hole and a very bold statement about them having (and I quote) 'one of Norwich's best burgers' how could I refuse? So as usual lets start with a brief bit about the pub itself, it is what you would class as a nice traditional Victorian corner pub, originally inhabited by Victorians probably drinking lots of gin. Nowadays it is still stocked with vast quantities of gin and a great selection of beers and an even better selection of ridiculously tasty and massive bar snacks. The pork pies could probably be used a door stops they are so large. 

Beer + Meaty bar snacks = Good times!

That aside I had something else on my agenda. The burger. I was initially thrown off by the complexity of their menu, drawing on flavours from all over the world, so I was a little worried the humble burger would be lost amongst the vast array of specials. So without further time wasting, we shall begin.

The Burger

So what did I have? For a very reasonable £12 sterling...

The 'Classic homemade Unthank burger topped with Cheddarcheese in a sesame bun with mayonnaise, chilli jam and fries and char-grilled smoked back bacon'

No dillydallying here, I lunged straight in to ask for it medium rare. If they produce what they think is one of the best they must appreciate that to get the best taste and texture, it has to be medium rare. Unfortunately they did inform myself and my burger buddies that they could not serve it medium rare, however, were prepared to serve it medium. Having gone in during prime 'food time' I would expect these to be freshly prepared homemade burgers so we settled for medium. A nice freshly prepared medium cooked burger should still have a slight tinge of pink, not too dissimilar to a medium cooked steak. It should still ooze that lovely beefy juice keeping it nice and moist throughout. Sadly the burger was actually well done and ever so slightly dry. The meat had a good flavour to it so I can appreciate that it could have tasted nice if it were cooked a couple of minutes less on each side. It just required that bit more chewing than one would have hoped for, if I want a masticational workout I'd chew some gum.

The cheese was a fairly hefty lump, quite a thick slice though in a perfect square. That was either a pre sliced pre packed cheese slice or their chef has some insanely sharp knives. It was reasonably tasty and from it's crumbliness I would say middle of the road strength. Mild cheddar perhaps. Could extra mature add more to this bacon cheese combo? Most likely. If you're going for cheddar make it mature, bonus points for extra mature.

The bacon although not crispy was tasty and was a nice addition. As I'd mentioned in the previous five guys review, there is no point having crispy bacon if it's bland and tasteless. I would much rather have good bacon which is less crisp. Obviously the ideal is free range organic rare breed bacon reared on a diet of bacon then flattened and cooked between to scorching hot trays for at least an hour. The limitations here are: firstly I'm not sure if you can feed bacon to pigs, secondly if you could would it make the harvested bacon any more bacony and finally if it is even ethically okay to do so in our now raging vegan society.


The meaty tower came with limited pickles. In all honesty I think it could have done with a touch more pickle though it may have just been that the limitations of the minimalist pickle was further highlighted by the slightly Saharan burger. The bun was absolutely phenomenal. Basically the perfect bun, sesame coated for that extra crunch. It was nicely toasted and soft on the inside. In terms of buns this one really ticked all the boxes. The addition of all the fresh lettuce, onion and tomato really did help to elevate this and partnered with the chilli jam that came with it added a fresh sweet taste to the dish. The fact that the burger was slightly dry was almost not an issue with the salad garnish (of course medium rare would have been better).

The Fries

This was a good solid fry. Not quite to the Thorpe road Coach and Horses level but still a decent crisp french fry. I would say they probably weren't homemade. Annoyingly one of my pals had the fish and chips (a minor lapse in mental awareness that resulted in them ordering something other than a burger) which came with hand cut slightly chunkier chips. These were sublime. Quite frankly I think they should ditch the fries and serve everything with their home cut chips. Unfortunately I haven't got photographic evidence of these home cut chips but I can assure you all they were top notch. If you go for a burger here, be sure to ask for these rather than the fries.

Overall

It's a solid pub burger for the price and the good atmosphere is well worth the money. The burger was slightly dry, but that aside it was a well seasoned and balanced quite well with all the garnishes. The bacon was particularly good and the only areas I feel they could improve are with better quality richer cheese and less cooking time of the actual meat. With a juicy bit of medium rare cooking this burger could be up their in the higher end of the scale. Partnered with their incredible home cut chips it would be a standout dish. A little way to go but the groundwork is well and truly laid for the Unthank in gaining some serious burger credentials.

6/10

The Unthank Arms

149 Newmarket Street

Norwich

NR2 2DR