The Burger Man Special

I can talk the talk when it comes to burgers, but can I walk the walk?

That is the question. There will probably be a vast amount of people questioning my pickiness when it comes to burger reviewing. What gives me the right to quantify these meaty delights and apply number rankings to them. Well simply; I love burgers and I love cooking. Burgers require multiple elements to be successfully mastered in order to pile it all up into a stand out tower of taste. After having judged a few burgers now I'd like to give you an insight into what I expect when I order a burger by showing you one of my very own creations. Here is my version of the classic bacon cheeseburger: The Burger Man Special (BMS Burger). Contents as follows.

The Burger

Handmade using a blend of prime butchers steak and beef mince (always support your local butcher), the small amount of beef mince adds a little bit of extra fat into the mix to ensure a seriously rich meaty taste. Another way to ensure the burger is the star is to keep them thick, I opt for around a one incher to ensure a solid medium rare cook and good amount of meat per bite. What else went into the burger I hear you ask, nothing! Since this is my classic bacon cheese I want the meat to shine, the only thing added was seasoning whilst cooking, lovingly added from a great height whilst pan frying on a smoking hot skillet. Ideally the greater the height from which you season the greater range and ensures a more even coverage. Don't just take my word for this, science can back me up with the use of the inverse square law. Essentially, the further away you season from, the greater area you can cover with said seasoning. I opt for the Ainsley Harriot style, holding the pan as low as possible in one hand, and with my other hand outstretched high above primed with fine sea salt flakes, shower the sizzling meat with a full arm span distance of salty goodness. Repeat with freshly ground pepper on both sides during cooking. Other methods include the salt bae* technique but this doesn't allow for enough height and I was wearing quite a nice shirt at the time and didn't want my elbow covered in salt.

Look at that burger juice

Since I wanted to keep this fairly classic I opted for a fresh sesame seed bun, lightly toasted in the pan which I cooked the burgers in to soak up the meaty juices and take this up a notch. I then lovingly smeared a generous dollop of home made lemon and olive oil mayonnaise on the base. The lemon adds a subtle sharpness which cuts through the intense overbearing meat flavour. On top of this lay several freshly plucked leaves of batavia lettuce (in summer I use freshly picked from the garden).

Crispy bacon, something which a lot of good eateries seem to struggle with, yet it's so easy to get right. Simply cook low and slow in an oven, then when half hour or so from service, ramp the oven up full whack and leave the bacon to sizzle away in that rampant inferno. For this burger I like to add a hint of sweetness to compliment and balance the dish, so I maple glaze the bacon right at the end and finally top off with some vintage extra mature cheddar cheese (and lots of it) and allow to melt and infuse with the crisp bacon. I always opt for extra mature for the stronger flavour. If you can't taste the cheese then in my opinion there's no point it being there. Go big or go home.

This behemoth is then topped off with fresh home made pickled onion. The recipe for which is a personal secret which I'd never share, unless subjected to four hours of Justin Bieber. Then I probably would crack. Essentially it is a light vinegary element to add a new flavour and again help to cut through the rich meat, since the burger itself was about an inch thick it does require this to even out the palate for a rounder taste. It also seems to highlight and accentuate just how good the quality of the meat was. I then added another homemade sauce, a lightly smoked pepper and tomato sauce. This burger is a classic: you've got the thick meaty flavour from the burger, the soft bun, the smoky tom sauce, the crisp salty yet sweet smoked Norfolk maple glazed bacon, rich mature cheese, the zesty twang from the mayo and the fresh lettuce. What more could you want from a bacon cheese burger?

I think it's safe to say it passed the burger slice in terms of rarity. If attempting to serve medium rare burgers at home you MUST use fresh quality beef, preferably from a butchers and only attempt if you are competent in the kitchen. If in doubt, cook it through. If it's good quality meat it should still taste good.

The Fries

Norfolk potatoes, sliced up skin on, not too thin but not too thick and double cooked in a secret blend of spices. The first cook low and slow to ensure the potato is cooked right through yet still soft. Then at the same time that the bacon is placed into the roasting inferno oven to crisp up the potatoes are put in to do the same. End result, seriously crispy chips that you could probably use to pick a yale lock with. Incredibly easy to do and allows a lot of expression of flavour as you can really add whatever takes your fancy. When good homemade chips are so easy to make why settle for McCains?

Overall

Obviously I can't rate my own burger as that would be biased, but it was good. All I wanted is to share my creation and genius with regards to the art of burger construction (and maybe get an endorsement here or there). My point I am trying to make is that when it comes to burgers and eating out, I expect high quality for my money because burgers don't have to be hard and if done right are actually quite easy to make, so why settle for substandard burgers or pay exuberant prices when the rough cost of this burger was about £4 sterling max. All freshly made with quality butchers meat. I ended up making four burgers for friends, they are the real judges here, and not a single plate was left with food on so I can only assume it went down well. Burger man out!

BurgerCave

Norwich

NR

Salt bae* - A man who loves meat as much, if not more than myself. He has some fairly outrageous seasoning techniques using his elbow to spread the salt, requiring less height.

The Ribs of Beef

To the Pubs...

Now I'm starting to get the swing of things I'm going to branch out at start sampling some of the many unique pubs that Norwich has to offer, one that had always caught my eye was the ribs of beef. It is a perfect example of a good British boozer in a cracking location by the river, great anytime of year for a pint or two. A burger is almost certainly always on the menu of any good foodie pub so I thought I'd give my first official pub burger review to the ribs. Going purely on the reading of the menu alone it sounds like an absolute corker!

"Our 6oz burgers are handmade in house from traditionally reared 100% prime local beef! They are grilled especially for you when you order. Served alongside a generous portion of chips, your burger will be in a freshly toasted bun, accompanied by lettuce, onions, tomato, mayonnaise, dill pickle and homemade coleslaw"

Sounds incredible doesn't it? Almost like it could be the perfect burger. I firmly believe in local produce and showing off the best that Norfolk has to offer, and by using prime local beef, they immediately set this one up on a pedestal. So here's the question, did it deliver?

The Burger

So did it deliver? Well it was just about as good as yodels* courier service, for any non Norfolker, thats a no. What made the blow worse was the hype that was built up by such an incredible sounding online menu. Going in I felt like anything was possible, I love the pub and I so desperately wanted to love the food. But it was as disappointing as a hipster in a bar fight, it never had a chance, especially looking like this. The one positive is that it did fill a empty cavern in my stomach, but not the one in my heart. After weeks of planning to come here I can only show remorse and deepest sorrow for having dragged my dining compadre with me and subjecting him to the first world middle class equivalent of water board torture. Less of this and more with the actual burger then. What did I get and how much did it set me back, £7.95 for the burger and £2 extra for the chips. Now I've prolonged it enough, here's the photo.

I had asked for it medium rare to which I was told it comes how it comes. Not a good start as that suggested it may not be freshly made as the menu had suggested. As expected the burger slice produced a dry overcooked piece of beef not too dissimilar from my grandmas handbag. The health inspector would be thoroughly proud that such a piece of beef has been unable to unleash ecoli on another unwitting member of the public. Job well done sir and/or madam! The meat itself had a peculiar taste that at the time I couldn't put my finger on, but on reflection, I can now pinpoint it was old cooking oil. The sort of greasy taste you get from a burger van because they've cooked with the same oil for the last 12 years.  The pickles were a nice touch added to the burger, the vinegar cut through the strange oil taste quite well and for a split second I lost the image of a burger van outside a car boot sale. With regards to levels of seasoning I have no idea. Most of the time spent tasting was idling over in my head what that familiar unpleasant taste was. I opted for the 'old porky' with crispy bacon and cheddar cheese. The bacon was in no way crispy, a good reference I use for crispy bacon is it shouldn't be too far off a jacobs cream cracker. It should snap in the hand, much like a tweel in a more fancy restaurant. Ultimately it should be crunchy to add a texture element to the burger. The cheese was overpowered by the strange oil taste from the burger. As for the bun, it was soggy. Literally damp to the touch and the cracked top of the bun (zoomed in picture below) suggests to me that it was in fact frozen and microwaved before service. Was the burger frozen as well? Who knows. One thing was certain though, what came out was not what the online menu described.

The Chips

Now reading the online menu you will note that it comes served with a generous portion of chips, correct? Wrong. We were required to pay an extra two pounds sterling for the privilege of these bulk buy chunky chips. As a result I can't even take these into consideration The discrepancies between their online menus and the actual ones provided are once again apparent. They were very crispy which was bonus though I'm of personal opinion that the perfect chip to have with a burger is always a fry, preferably found in their plural, fries. A burger should already be a fairly heft lump you don't want that replicated with big chips. A burger meal is about compromise and achieving the perfect yin and yang balance between textures, tastes and structural sizes.

Overview

In a city with some great pubs and great burgers on offer, this pub certainly raised the bar on paper but completely missed the target when it came to the most important aspect, delivering a tasty burger. It is without a doubt a fantastic pub for drinking, and some of the other items of food on the menu did look nice. The staff were super friendly and offered all sorts of sauces and dips. Great service is something always worth commending. My advice would be to raise their game to produce a burger of equal measure to their other food, or straight up get it off the menu. I hate myself for doing this but I really can't find anything at all good about the burger other than the fact that it does constitute as a burger for providing the two basic elements; a minced beef patty and a bun. Considering the high standards of other food establishments around the city, in particular those I have already reviewed, if craving a burger stop here only for a hoppy aperitif or a malty post meal digestif...

1/10

The Ribs of Beef
Riverside Freehouse
Norwich
24 Wensum Street
Fye Bridge
NR3 1HY



*Yodel - An incredibly poor delivery courier service based in Norwich, having gained excessive reputation for not even attempting to deliver parcels or pretending they couldn't find your house.

Mambo Jambos

Four burgers in and I've taken to the lanes...

My long journey for the perfect burger will no doubt see me wandering all over the streets of this great city. This latest burger escapade has taken me down an area of particular importance to me, the Norwich Lanes. This venture took me to the lower of the goat lanes, presumably named so because in olden times the inhabitants really loved goats. No doubt they ate medium rare goat burgers prior to the introduction of the food standards agency and their draconian ways of thinking. With that piece of faux history told we can look toward the restaurant and the burger.

The Burger

Mambo Jambos is a fun loving excitably food establishment that embodies everything you want in a party atmosphere; good music and dim lighting. Provided you take the right company of course you're guaranteed a good time regardless of the food. I went for the Mambo High Rise, it appeared to be their signature burger and I was absolutely ravenous so the double stacker tipped it for me. So what did I get for this £13.95 beast: a double stacked burger, cheese, BBQ sauce, onion rings and two slices of bacon.

As always we start with the burger slice, this revealed a fairly good pink medium rare cooking throughout both burgers. The meat itself was ok, it could of done with a pinch of extra seasoning but overall it was pretty tasty. The bacon was a nice touch, after all what goes better with meat than even more meat from a different animal? It wasn't crispy, though they didn't advertise it would be so I'm ok with that. Potentially if it was crispy that would add a new texture element in to raise the overall experience. There was a pretty crisp onion ring amidst the chaos but ended being pretty soggy after it soaked up the gallon of sauce. The melted cheese and the BBQ sauce with the mega soft bun meant there was a lot of easy to chew non crunchy textures. I would suggest a little less BBQ sauce next time or scrape some out with a chip. It's worth pointing out here that the bun was sublime, very soft and perfectly toasted. Nothing fancy like brioche, just a good classic white bap. The height of the burger was about 5 inches so it was a mission to get down.  had to have a full logistical plan put in place prior to attacking this and I hate to admit it but I did end up using cutlery. This was definitely not a date meal. I ended up with sauce everywhere and looked quite frankly, repulsive.

The lighting in Mambo Jambos makes a great atmosphere but is a nightmare for instagram food bloggers, they would cringe at this, I probably wouldn't even get a single like. Thankfully it's not all about the photos. Though next time I could take a lighting rig with me.

The Fries

Standard bulk buy fries, fills a gap but won't leave you thinking 'wow those were great chips'. They weren't seasoned at all which was a bit disappointing and they weren't particularly crispy either. If you have to serve these Maccy D style fries at least get them crisp. What is the correct level of crispiness I hear you say? Essentially, you want them to be crispy enough that if someone tries to pinch one, you can jab their hand with one as they reach over and do enough damage that they won't try again.

Overall

If you like BBQ sauce you're in for a winner, that was the predominant taste. Everything else was pretty much consumed by it. It kind of reminded me of a BBQ sauce version of the pokemon muk. The burger was very well cooked and although it could of had a touch more seasoning, it was still moist and juicy and tasted nice when tried without sauce. I can appreciate that their other burgers are probably very good too, next time I will definitely opt for a less 'saucy' one (though it is valentines today). Now this place has a fairly extensive menu with a huge range of ribs and wings, but when it comes down to the burger alone, I actually think Captain A's tips ahead ever so slightly as their meat was top notch and they really weren't afraid to show the pink!

6.5/10

Mambo Jambos

14-16 Lower Goat Lane,

Norwich

Norfolk NR2 1EL

Tune in next time for when I finally make it to the Ribs of Beef public house...

Gourmet Burger Kitchen (GBK)

Hitting up a chain, can they produce?

Now I think it's worth mentioning some of my standard rules I've been applying to my meaty endeavors:

1. Main focus is on the burger, always.
2. Sides can gain bonus points if included in the meal, however, if I have to buy sides separately then I'm afraid they won't count.
3. If a waiter says yes to medium rare, it HAS to be medium rare, end of. Don't disappoint.

With that done, we can begin. I went for the stack, a whole 10.95 sterlings worth of 100% prime beef, grilled chorizo, red Leicester cheese, house onion ring (and I quote 'ring' singular, there was just one), smoked chilli mayo, rocket, pickled onions and house relish. Sounds like a bargain until you realise sides are not included. Prepare the bill for a rise to ascent like the selfie stick in the mid 2015's. The restaurant itself is pretty nice inside, free nuts which is always a bonus, but the whole evening just felt like a weird game of musical chairs. You're shown to you table, sit down, then get up to get nuts, then sit down, get your menu, and get up again to order. Maybe you forgot to get the hot sauce, back up again you are! Who do they think they are, Nandos?

The Burger

Off to a good start; I requested medium rare and was ready to hit the brick wall of overcooked disappointment but low and behold, no issues! Order went through like a dream, not a ghastly nightmare where I'm chased by the shady presence of a health inspector.

The burger slice produced a good even pink cooking, handled very well I'll give them that, the meat tasted reasonably good and was well seasoned. The chorizo sausage was perhaps the highlight of the burger, partially because it dominated the overall taste and left little room for anything else. Great if you like a nice piece of Spanish pork. Bad if want 100% prime beef. The onion ring added a crunch and a deep peppery taste to compliment the rich meaty spiced taste of the chorizo. The rocket took this peppery assault to further heights and should of been balanced well with the pickles and cool smoky mayonnaise. Unfortunately the smoked chilli aspect didn't really come through and neither did the pickled onions. So the palate is left in a desperate need of a pickled sharp taste to cut through bold flavours in the meat. Maybe just more of the smoked mayo could of balanced out the rich flavours by toning them down a touch. But we will never know. The bun was top notch, literally as soft as a pomeranian* and seeded for extra crunch. Everyone loves a sesame seeded bun, fact. If only Captain Americas used the same bun suppliers they may have nudged their score up. As for cheese, red leicester offers about as much flavour as a piece of toilet tissue paper, it did make the burger look very appetising though. Overall the flavours were good though essentially it was just chorizo. I would suggest cutting down the quantity of the chorizo to allow the beef to sing a bit more and adding normal batavia or cos lettuce to reduce the pepperiness. They advertise their beef as being high quality prime cut so show that bad boy off! Don't let no chorizo sausage steal your show! Alternatively make the burger bigger? Now to the elephant in the room, no sides...

The Fries

I went for the truffle cheese fries, smother anything in truffle and I'll lap it up (within reason). At £3.95 I never realised such disappointment could ensue after a fairly hefty priced portion of chips. I will be honest, I was at a chain restaurant so I wasn't expecting actual fresh black truffle shavings that hand been scouted and picked by a Slovenian wild pig, but what I do expect is at least some decent chips and a good cheese sauce. These were fairly poor chips, bulk buy I'd imagine. Also add to insult they were fairly soggy. I went straight in for a chip to test the sog factor before the cheese sauce took full effect and ruined any crunch. Epic fail. Unless they leave them pre made under a hot lamp behind the scenes all I can assume is they just don't get their oil hot enough to get the perfect crisp texture. Let's assess taste, the actual chip was fairly bland, complimenting the bland cheese sauce really well. I would hazard a guess and say that no real cheese is even used to make that sauce. If I were to apply a score to them I'd say 1/10.

Onion Rings

After the disappointment of the fries I really couldn't take another hit. I was on my knees praying to the burger overlord that I hadn't just wasted yet more money on more awful sides. Thankfully, they were actually really nice, probably the best aspect of the meal and at £3.55 cheaper than the fries. They were incredibly crisp, and fresh onion too which made all the difference. You could really taste the onion coming through. Complimented with the perfect balance of seasoning ever so slightly favouring the pepper. Now at this point the bill was hitting £18.45 and we haven't even started on drinks. On reflection, I'd go purely for burger and onion rings if I were to return. Heed my advice, you heard it here first.

Overall

The burger was fairly tasty though strongly dominated by chorizo. I did try their cheeseburger too which I would actually recommend over the one I had if you want to taste the beef. The fries were a huge let down. Thankfully the onion rings brought the overall experience back up. However, for the purpose of this review the sides mean Jack! It was a fairly average experience as a whole which is a shame considering they actually managed to produce a medium rare burger. It's not something I'd particularly go back for unless the third party was pushing it. This thought is mainly driven by the price. For a standard burger meal you're looking at around £20-30 all in, which for a chain restaurant is fairly high. Not worth it considering you have to play a fairly tense game of Russian roulette for the side dishes.

6/10 

(excluding sides)

Gourmet Burger Kitchen

Chapelfield Shopping Centre

Norwich 

NR2 1SZ

*Pomeranian: An insanely fluffy dog