The Belgian Monk

Time for another burger, Belgian Style

Located in a great part of Norwich, nestled in the heart of the Norwich Lanes, stands the impressive Belgian Monk. Named after a Belgian man who was also a monk believe it or not. It has to be up there as one of Norwich's most popular pubs, packing out tables even mid week on a regular basis. The reasoning for this is likely the ludicrous amount of fresh mussels they churn out and the copious quantities of premium Belgian beer available. If there's one thing monks know how to do, it's brew. The question is, can the monk provide the meat? Let's find out.

The Burger

Not just any burger, this one was something with a difference. Authentically put on the menu in the native tongue of Belgium

"En Wild Zwijn Vlees Burger Met Appel, Abrikozen
en Prei Met Bataat Frites"

For those who aren't  fortunate enough to be bilingual...

"A Gourmet Wild Boar Burger*, with Apple, Apricot and Leek, Grilled and served in a Ciabatta Roll with Tomato Relish, Sweet Potato Fries and Salad Garnish and Sla"

You read that correctly, the Belgian monk do not serve up your standard burger, the only option is wild boar at a fairly pricey £13.95. Up for anything and enticed by the warning on the menu that boar meat is often slightly pink in colour, I unbuckled my belt by a notch and prepared for a meat off with a difference. Having never had boar before and not really having a huge understanding of the cooking process of a boar burger, I naturally asked for it medium rare. To this request they gladly accepted.

As per usual I started with the all essential burger slice. This was potentially my toughest and most difficult operation to date, intrigued? More on that later when I come to the bun assessment. So after finally getting this in half I noted a fairly consisted pink colouring throughout the burger.

  

Weirdly enough although the burger was pink I'm not actually sure if that meant it was medium rare. I get the impression it is just the colour of the meat, similar to the pinkish colour of Iberico pork. Even when cooked through it still has a slightly pinkish colour. Either way the burger was quite moist and full of flavour. The flavour of the meat was intense, like concentrated pork, which worked really well with the fruity elements within the meat to cut through this intensity. If anything I feel the spices and seasoning did detract slightly from the boar taste and could of been toned down a tad to possibly let the boar flavour come through even more. One thing that did concern me was the burger was perfectly circular and the completely level appearance of the burger did get me questioning it's production. I literally could of taken a spirit level to this and it would of been perfectly flat. Generally homemade burgers are either slightly irregular in shape or at least vary slightly in thickness across the board. Unless the monk use a fairly hefty burger press I suspect they may buy in their burgers pre-made. It also had an unusual bratwurst like texture, quite fitting for a mainland Europe style burger. 

I opted for the addition of cheese at an extra fifty pence and I wish I hadn't of bothered. It didn't add anything to the affair. It didn't have any particular taste and there wasn't enough of it to even get that creamy texture so this was well and truly fifty pence wasted.

As for the tomato relish that did add a very nice acidic tang to the meal, cutting through the rich deep flavour of the boar. Acting in a similar vein to pickles. The only pointer I would add is that there was too much of it in the bun and I did have to scrape a little out. Then again quantity was a notable point with this meal, there was a lot of everything and I struggled to finish it all. Once I'd surgically removed some salsa the dish was a bit more balanced and only required a texture element to hit all the key essentials of the balanced burger yin yang. It needed a crunch, and boy oh boy did I get one...

I'd previously mentioned my difficulty at performing the burger slice, and I shall now recall the tale as to why I had suffered so bad. Basically the bun was as hard as a slow formed igneous rock. It was more like a tortoise shell than a ciabatta bun. Imagine a wild boar burger between two cast iron dumbbells. Whether they go for this intentionally to make up for no crispy bacon or if the bun was accidentally left in the oven overnight I couldn't tell. I actually had to pause and regain my strength at the mid point of the burger slice, leaving my knife wrenched deep within the bun. After a short while and many sips of Belgian beer to regain my spirits I endured to complete the halving. Leaving me with a sense of pride that I imagine only King Arthur would be able to comprehend after having pulled Excalibur out of the stone.

The sides

This burger came with some sort of strange creamy coleslaw which was very nice. Crunchy and creamy, flavoured with the monk's infamous mayonnaise. The mayo is also the main reason why I like their chips so much. They are standard bulk buy chips but the Belgian mayo just takes them to a whole new level. Sky rockets them to a planet of pure creamy indulgence. It was solely based on this that I actually turned down the hipster sweet potato fries that ordinarily comes with the meal and opted for the standard ones. I didn't want any sweetness compromising the taste. 

The salad was very plain and salad like. Not anything spectacular as it was a reserve on the sideline of the slate plate. I'm not really a fan of the old school method of dressing a salads, handfuls of grated carrot plonked on top of plain greenery. That sort of salad dressing should be left in the bygone times of shoulder pads, bouffant hair styles and deconstructing food only to reconstruct it again on your spoon before eating. 

Overall

The wild boar burger was nice, though I suspect it may not be homemade which is a huge shame. If it genuinely is homemade then I will happily stand corrected. The salsa would of nicely complimented the dish but it didn't need the amount that was provided. It takes an acquired palate and experienced chef to know when to stop when it comes to food preparation, and this certainly needed that expert touch when it came to assembly to ensure an even overall taste. The bun really was the biggest let down of this, it was so hard and crispy it was not only hard to cut in half but when trying to eat the entire contents kept spilling out when under mastication pressure. In addition, without wanting to sound too pathetic, the crunch was actually so severe that I was worried I'd cut the roof of my mouth and bleed out. So overall it just needs a softer bun and less salsa. Also a plate would be nice, things did keep spilling off of the slate as it lacks a brim. On first taste on a boar burger how did it fair?

4.5/10

The Belgian Monk

7 Pottergate

NR2 1DS

Five Guys

Does a great burger really require five guys?

It's taken me a long time to visit five guys, mainly because I've struggled with the loss of the all you can eat pizza hut buffet that used to occupy the very walls that five guys now inhabits. With enough time having passed and realisation of a place called 'chapelfield' with another Pizza hut in, I finally gave in and ventured into this brightly lit burger production line. In essence it seems to have a similar sort of style to subway, pick a burger, toppings and sauces, then watch as your burger moves along the pass getting cooked and an assortment of goodies being added to it. The whole time being able to scrutinise the staff just incase someone drops it on the floor. Without further stalling I'll commence at once.

The Burger

I opted for bacon cheeseburger which comes as a double patty, with grilled onions, lettuce, pickles, jalapeño chillies, mayo and 'little fries'. All of this came to a fairly hefty £11.90 which for fast food is up there in the price bracket. As long as it's fresh and tasty, something five guys brags about, it should be worth it. Drinks range from £3 to £5 roughly which seriously racks up your bill, tap water for me! The burger comes served traditional Central American style; wrapped in vast quantities of tinfoil. Something that I really enjoyed as it took me back to the good ol'days travelling around the dodgy backstreet bars of Mexico city where bone china plates are a luxury item.

As with the start of all essential burger ordering I went straight in for the medium rare question, priding themselves on freshly prepared burgers cooked to order I was shocked to be told no. All burgers are cooked well done, end of. A huge shame because in the eating the burger was slightly dry and could of done with less cooking. I was told this was for health and safety reasons, which I know 100% is false because other restaurants are serving medium rare burgers no questions asked. The actual taste was alright with a reasonable level of seasoning, just a tad more moisture inside the patty would of really taken it up a notch.

The bacon took crispy to a level I didn't even think was possible. It was insanely crisp, I can only assume it is deep fried to get the that level. It added a nice crunchy texture in the otherwise soft burger but unfortunately it just didn't really taste of much. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this but I would of actually preferred non-crispy but tastier bacon. Crispy bacon is the dream scenario, but you have to get the basics right first and at least start with some prime smoked gear.

The cheese was classic American plastic 'cheese' melted into the perfect square that it comes vacuum formed in, containing about as much milk as school dinners since Maggie T had her way*. The taste was non-existent, it purely adds a creamyness that compensates for the slightly overcooked drier burgers. As I always say, if it's not a proper cheese, don't bother. What is a proper cheese I hear you ask? Well this all depends on the other toppings combined with the burger but as a general rule of thumb: mature chedder, blue cheese, brie, camembert, gorgonzola or feta (only in greek style burgers) are all good starting points.

The pickles helped cut through all of this and added a much needed palate cleansing touch to the whole affair, but they were the classic bought in crinkle cut bad boys you'd expect in a McDonalds. Either way with all the creamy tasteless mouth clagging probably dairy free 'cheese' something was needed to cut through. The jalapeños were surprisingly not that hot for fresh ones. They are commonly mistaken for a mild chilli but picked fresh can actually be quite potent and leave a satisfying burn on the tongue, these ones did not. I myself confess I am a bit of a chilliphile** and these did not quite hit the spot.

The bun was soft. It could of been toasted to add an extra texture. Due to the Mexican foil wrapping the burger sweats and the bun ends up looking a little sad by the time you unwrap it. Similar vein to the lettuce really, with foil packing you need a hefty chunk of the heart of a lettuce, something that can withstand a bit of sealed in heat without going floppy and limp. I suspect they used Iceberg from the look of the leaf, I would recommend for this style, either a baby gem or romaine hearts.

The sides

I will put a disclaimer on these fries for anyone with high cholesterol, blood pressure or heart problems. There is more salt in one portion of chips that the entirety of the Dead sea. I'm a fan of good seasoning but this was extreme, could it just be a ploy to then buy a hugely overpriced drink? Most probably. After only a small portion I drank nearly 2 litres of water, and I still feel thirsty even now, several hours later. A plus point they were nice and crispy.Also worth noting I had to pay for these separately.

Overall

If it comes across like I'm being particularly picky about this burger you could assume correct. I am being overly critical because to me, this burger looks, tasted and smelt like a slightly upgraded big mac yet for twice the cost. Or another way of putting it; a much worse version of Captain Americas. For £11.20, a whole 70 pence cheaper, you could go to Captain Americas and get their 'Classic' flagship burger, a freshly cooked half pound burger medium rare with enough chips to solve world hunger whilst knowing you are supporting a local Norwich based business, so to me, five guys just doesn't meet the standards to which their prices are aimed. As a takeaway burger priced around £7 all in I could maybe say this ensemble was worthwhile and it would get a higher rating, but at their current exorbitant prices it's just not. Especially when most pub burger meals are around £10 with some even throwing in a free pint.

4/10

Five Guys
117-127 Orford Place
NR1 3QA

*Margaret Thatcher famously took milk of school children, travelling round the U.K. in her spare time doing so.

**Chiiliphile - Someone who loves chillis and the mouth tantalising burn that follows, unfortunately at both ends of the alimentary tract.